Half the Intelligence of Yogurt, Too

Saw the other day in Safeway a really, really stupid ad slogan:

Half the sugar of yogurt

in big letters at the top of a sign advertising something called Knudsen Cottage Doubles, which are packages of cottage cheese plus a syrupy looking fruit topping.

Huh? Yogurt has maybe 2g to 3g of sugar per serving, doesn’t it? And according to the label this stuff has 14g. Not half the sugar. About four or five times the sugar.

If you get very close to the sign, though, you can see a tiny asterisk after the slogan, and in tiny words near the bottom of the sign it says

*When compared to 8 oz. of the leading sweetened yogurt

In order words, half the sugar of yogurt after we’ve added a bunch of sugar to it.

Besides, yogurt is naturally a bit sour, and until you get used to the taste it can be nice to add a little honey or jam to it (though given the popular American diet, the leading yogurt is probably the sugariest of them all — or more likely the high fructose corn syrupiest). But who needs to sweeten their cottage cheese? Who wants to sweeten their cottage cheese? We’re not talking about one of those live-culture cottage cheeses you get in the organic food stores that are as sour as yogurt, we’re talking about commonplace mainstream cottage cheese. It’s not like you need half a cup of ice cream sundae topping to make that palatable.

Dinner With Eric

I had dinner with Eric on Saturday.

Eric lost his partner Tina to cancer last year. I keep being a little bit startled all over again every time I realize they were together more than a decade, because I knew each of them before they knew each other. I tend to think of myself as a loner who’s been fine with moving on when things weren’t going anywhere, or going anywhere I wanted to go, and who’s never spent enough time in one place to have old friends as a regular part of my life. But then I add it up and realize I’ve been in the San Francisco Bay Area now for 17½ years (it’ll be 18 in July). And I met Tina, and then Eric, about a year or a year and a half after that. At my age that’s only a modest fraction of a lifetime, but there still aren’t too many people I’ve accumulated that much history with.

I met them both through the WELL, which is still my favorite online hangout. When I first came to the Bay Area and discovered the WELL, my relationship at the time was in the process of (blessedly) falling apart and I didn’t have much of a social life yet. The WELL was (and still is) a community of smart, literate people, and despite a lot of initial shyness on my part (I used to be cripplingly shy; nowadays I’m still very shy but I’ve taught myself how not to be crippled by it) it wasn’t long before I was mostly fitting in, making friends and acquaintances. The WELL even led to one wonderful, if too brief, love affair. And a few very close friends, one of them being Eric.

For several years Eric and I were frequent companions. We went hiking together many times, sang in a chorale and a madrigal group and several impromptu Christmas caroling groups together (he’s a tenor, I’m a bass-baritone), and had lots of long talks about life and love and politics and society. When Eric divorced his wife, we had many long talks about the issues that were coming up for him around that. Some of it was just comparing notes as to how relationships looked from the somewhat different perspectives of a gay man and a straight man, and some of it was that I had made a breakthrough in my own attitude toward relationships not that many years earlier, and broken up with my partner at that time (I don’t mean to imply cause and effect there — the breakthrough and the breakup were occurring more or less at the same time and I don’t think either led to the other; they sort of fed each other), and I was able to give him some support and understanding in his own similar-but-different breakup and breakthrough. Years later, after my surgery, when I made the frightening change from freelancing at home to working in offices, Eric was able to do some serious supporting in return, and he was something of a mentor to me, giving me tips about getting along in the business world, warning me what to expect and how not to let it throw me.

The WELL is still a big part of my social circle, though since then I’ve found my way into other circles that are satisfying other parts of me — these days it’s the Billy Club — so I don’t show up at the social gatherings as often as I used to. Not too many WELL folks are into theater or opera, there are not too many people who share my particular spiritual interests (which I guess I’d have to characterize as a mix of scholarly and mystical, and yes, I know that’s pretty much self-contradictory), and the gay community on the WELL is a beautiful bunch of people but a smallish group. But I still log on several times a week to chat about current events, what we’ve been up to, and so on.

So on Saturday evening Eric and I went to Britt-Marie on Solano Avenue, which is a wonderful restaurant that I don’t think I’d been to in eight or nine years, and we caught up. We chatted about Eastern religion and the grieving process and cooking and what’s up with Dave and his bookstore and what’s up with Eric’s daughters — good Lord, his daughters are now grown women with careers and I remember them when they were in high school. And a lot of other stuff that’s way too personal to blog about.

One of the cool things about Britt-Marie is that, in addition to the great food, they have an unusual and interesting selection of wines available by the glass. I know little about wine, but Eric suggested a zinfandel to go with my lamb dish and it was terrific and I ended up having a second glass of it as well, which is maybe one glass more than I ought to have since I drink fairly little these days and get tipsy more easily than I used to.

Pet Peeve of the Day

What is it with people who step off an escalator and stop in their tracks right there and look around, thoughtfully considering where they might want to go next, while oblivious even to the mere possibility that there might be people still on the escalator right behind them who are on an inevitable collision course with their backsides if they don’t get out of the freaking way?

Talk About Vaporware

That wail of despair you heard yesterday morning was the sound of geeks all over the country discovering that the latest update to Norton Anti-Virus was falsely identifying their TiddlyWiki files as containing the W32.Feebs virus and immediately deleting them. Argh!

TiddlyWiki is a notetaking program that takes the form of a .html file, so you don’t have to install it; you just open it in whatever browser you like (it plays best with Firefox but works okay with others too). I use it so that I can shuttle my notes back and forth between my own Mac laptop and my office’s Windows computer. I keep my TiddlyWiki file on a USB stick and move it from work computer to laptop as needed.

There are other possible ways of doing this, but as I don’t have admin privs on my work box, and our IT department is too overworked to have time to check out and install software I want to try out, I have to go with what will run from a USB stick. This lets me take my laptop into meetings and access my notes, take meeting notes on my laptop and access them later on my work computer, work on organizing and updating my notes on my laptop during the train ride to or from work, cut and paste info from my work email into my notes, and so on.

I worked on my work notes this morning on the way to work, as it happens. Fortunately I had not forgotten to drag a copy of my notes onto my laptop’s hard drive this morning before moving the stick to my work box, or I would be much more bummed right now than I am. Apparently we installed the Norton update sometime last night, because when I plugged my stick into my work box and opened up its window, my notes file vaporized a few seconds later, right before my eyes.

I understand Norton has quickly issued an updated update that corrects the problem. Hopefully we’ll get that installed here very soon.

People’s

My favorite hangout in downtown Berkeley these days is People’s, on the east side of Shattuck, first block south of University, same block as Ichiban and Mandarin Garden and Mount Everest. Nice college-y atmosphere and free wireless. I’m sitting here drinking a pot of licorice mint tea right now as I write this.

Goodbye to Maeterlinck

Maeterlinck, the older of our two parakeets, died last Friday, probably sometime during the night. I was heading out the door to work in the morning, and Dave was following me out, and he looked in the cage as he walked by and saw him on the floor of the cage.

We buried Maeterlinck in the yard on Saturday, and Sunday after brunch with Terry the three of us went to Lucky Dog on San Pablo Avenue to look for a new mate for Rossetti, our other ‘keet. We came home, though, with two, a light blue male and a green and yellow female. Rossetti (after Christina, not Gabriel) is a female. (Do you know how to tell a parakeet’s sex? Look at the little area right above its beak, around the nostrils. On males this is blue and on females this is pink. No, seriously.) We wanted to avoid getting two males out of the vague notion that the two males might quarrel for dominance and poor Rossetti would get the worst of it.

But we’ve been glad to see that so far the three of them have been getting along very contentedly. No sign of friction as yet, just a lot of friendly behavior.

Yet Another One of Life’s Mysteries

Last night I could not get my desktop computer to talk to our new printer over the wireless network, even though my old laptop was talking to it just fine. After some poking around in the settings and finding nothing obviously wrong, Dave suggested that I use the setup disc to uninstall the printer driver and then reinstall the very same driver. (Note: The. Very. Same. Driver.)

I was skeptical but complied, and immediately thereafter was able to print from my desktop computer.

I have to wonder how people who deal with this sort of thing all the time can turn around and say that astrology is far-fetched.

Wordplay

Dave and I finally watched the documentary Wordplay a few nights ago. It’s a terrific movie, and for me there’s the added interest that I know about half the people in the movie from my 14 years as a puzzle editor and my five years in New York City in the late 1980s. Ellen Ripstein and Jon Delfin were part of a group of New Yorkers who got together for brunch and conversation and puzzles once a month. (Maybe the New York puzzle people still do? I haven’t communicated with a lot of those folks probably since my surgery seven years ago.) We met at Phebe’s in the East Village for a while, and in summer we often picnicked on the grass near Bethesda Fountain in Central Park. My memory is that Will Shortz was an occasional part of that group but not a regular. Trip Payne became part of that group, too, once he moved to New York, which was in 1988 I think. (Then I moved away from New York and to the San Francisco Bay Area in the summer of 1989.) Quite a few other people in the movie like Miriam Raphael and Helene Hovanec I knew less well but saw several times a year.

I met Merl Reagle in the mid ’80s when we living a few miles from each other in Los Angeles. Merl was the one who taught me how to construct a good crossword puzzle. I was living in Los Angeles in a little neighborhood just north of Culver City. Merl lived in a somewhat cramped studio apartment in Santa Monica. He liked to get out of there during the day, so he would hang out a lot in Fromin’s Deli on Wilshire in Santa Monica and work on his puzzles there. There was a period of six months or so — till I got the job at Games magazine that took me to New York — when I was hanging out with him a lot in the afternoons, sitting across the table from him at Fromin’s, each of us working on his own stuff, and every once in a while I’d ask him what I should do about a tough section I couldn’t fill, or he’d ask me if I could think of any interesting words or phrases that fit a certain pattern. When you construct a lot of crosswords, you do a lot of looking at a pattern like, oh, an eight-letter word where the third letter has to be B and the fifth letter can be either M, R, T, or W, and coming up with as many different words and phrases as you can that will fit, so that you can choose the one that works best with the developing pattern or that you think is the most interesting, or actually more likely the one which looks like the best compromise between both of those virtues.

(Let’s see: CUBE ROOT, ALBUM ART, EMBARGOS, RIB STEAK, ELBOWING, BABY TALK, BABA WAWA, LABOR DAY, ARBOR DAY, AMBITION, LOBOTOMY, ROBERSON, DO BATTLE, SIBERIAN, LIBERIAN, NO BETTER, NO BOTHER, AT BOTTOM, ROBOTICS, SYBARITE. There are programs that will give you all the dictionary entries that match **B*M*** and **B*R*** and so on, but you can’t rely just on those alone because phrases like ALBUM ART and BABY TALK and BABA WAWA don’t show up in them, and unexpected answers like that are part of what makes a crossword fun to solve.)

My first crossword took me three days to construct, and when I showed it to Merl, he pointed out that there was one obscure word, and said I should work harder to get it out. But under the house rules of most puzzle magazines, I protested, a 15×15 crossword (that is, weekday size, not Sunday size) is allowed up to six obscure words as long as no two of them cross, and I only had one. And Merl said to me that if I had five or six obscure words in my grid, he wouldn’t tell me to keep working, but that since it was just one, I should work harder to get it to zero. A puzzle with no obscure words at all is much more desirable and salable, he told me, than a puzzle with even just one, whereas there isn’t much difference between a puzzle with say four obscure words and one with five. A puzzle that uses only common words is actually harder to construct, because the constructor has fewer words to choose from, and it’s easier for the magazine or newspaper to place because it’s more flexible. Magazines need puzzles in all levels of difficulty, easy, medium, and hard, and good easy puzzles are often in the shortest supply. What’s more, if an editor finds he needs another medium or hard puzzle and doesn’t have any more in his inventory, he can take an easy puzzle and rewrite the clues to make it harder, but there’s no way he can take a hard puzzle and rewrite the clues to make a word like ESNE or ANOA easy.

In the movie, we see Merl going through just that process of revision, if you know what to look for. We see him at several stages of constructing a puzzle, and we watch as he finishes a tough section by using the uncommon word REDTOP, which is a kind of grass. As I watched him leaf through the dictionary and say to the camera that it was okay because the word was in there, I cringed a little — it’s not like the Merl I knew to settle for a word like that in a puzzle otherwise free of uncommon words. But sure enough, when we see the finished puzzle in print later, the word REDTOP is gone and that section is reworked with only common words and phrases (I think PILE UP is now there where REDTOP was). So even though we never see it in the movie, at some point he must have gone back and reworked it. That kind of attention to the details of craftsmanship is one part of why Merl is one of the all-time great constructors.

It’s interesting to trace my life backward from here and now, and to realize that if Merl hadn’t taught me to construct a good crossword, I probably wouldn’t have gone to New York to work at Games, I certainly wouldn’t have spent over a decade as a puzzle editor, and I probably would not be a technical editor today. Whether my life would have been better or worse today, I have no idea. There were some bad things about working in the puzzle business for so long, but at the same time there was a lot of flexibility about my time, and I don’t think I could have written one libretto a year for so many years with Berkeley Opera if I’d had an office job. Beatrice and Benedict and Bat out of Hell and The Riot Grrrl on Mars and Daughter of the Cabinet were all written while working as a puzzle editor out of my home.

Dave had to put up with my incessant commentary on the movie — “Look, there’s Helene Hovanec! That’s Nancy Schuster! See how that guy checked his watch as soon as he finished? You only lose points for whole minutes, so he can keep double-checking his answers for another 40 seconds. Why haven’t I seen Mike Shenk anywhere — are he and Will on the outs? Where’s David Rosen? Lordy, is that Doug Heller with the beard?” I suppose it’s a good thing we never got around to seeing the movie in a theater or I’d have been kicked out.

It was fun to see Trip solving so well in the tournament in the movie. Trip stayed with me for a few months when he first moved to New York City to work at Games magazine, where he and I and Mike Shenk and Will Shortz were all working at the time. We still communicate by email every once in a while. I should drop him a line and tell him I finally saw the movie. Trip came out as a gay man after I’d left New York, and I think maybe we still communicate now and then largely because of the shared bond of being among the very few openly gay men in the puz biz. (Maybe things have changed in the last seven or eight years, but back when I was working in puzzles that’s how it was.) Trip told me a while back that he’s particularly proud that he’s seen in the movie giving his partner a kiss. Their onscreen kiss is more of an friendly peck than a romantic smooch, but hey, we have to take what we can get.

I wonder whether I should mention to Trip that Dave told me he thought he was easily the most attractive guy in the movie. I think I will tell him that.

Parakeet Music

I imagine every family develops private words and phrases. One of Dave’s and mine is parakeet music. Parakeet music is music that makes our two parakeets dance around and chirp a lot. One might think at first that what they’d like best is something with a lot of twittering flutes and piccolos, but no, what really seems to get them going the most is something with a good strong rhythm. One of our earliest discoveries in this vein, for example, was that Haydn symphonies usually seemed to please them, and the zippy last movement of pretty much any of them would really get them hopping.

Haydn symphonies, ergo, are parakeet music.

Dave just emailed me to tell me that Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring has proven to be “monster parakeet music”. Way more so, he writes, than the Firebird suite, “which they are only intermittently happy with”.

We’ve named the parakeets Maeterlinck and Rossetti (after Christina, mind you, not her brother, first because she’s a she and second because as far as I’m concerned “Goblin Market” runs rings around “The Blessed Damozel”). Explaining why they have such odd names requires a short bit of parakeet history. My first parakeet was a beautiful very dark green, and I named him Whistler, after my favorite painter, because he reminded me of the very dark green of the walls of Whistler’s Peacock Room (the banner at the top of this blog is a mural from this room, so you can see the color in the background there), and also of course I named him that because of the play on words. (Though he didn’t actually whistle all that much, being rather serious for a parakeet.)

After Dave moved in, we acquired a second parakeet, and at one point in our what-to-name-the-baby discussion, I suggested Sargent, after my second favorite painter, John Singer Sargent, so that she would continue the artist theme. And Dave said, no, we should name her Singer, so that she’ll also extend the play on words. So Singer she became.

Parakeets have died and been replaced, but after Singer we ran out of contemporary painters’ names with birdy double meanings. So we’ve just continued to name them after late 19th/early 20th century British artists of various sorts who we like (except of course for Maeterlinck, who was French, but Maeterlinck the parakeet is blue, so it seemed right anyway).

Back to the Routine

After three weeks of way too much traveling in way too short a period for my liking — two stints of catsitting for friends, a Christmas trip to see Dave’s family, and a wonderful but too short five-day retreat up in Humboldt County — I am back to my usual routine. I’m jotting down some memories of the retreat which I’ll post later on.